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Message started by angiebaby on Oct 28^th, 2007, 11:25am

Title: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by angiebaby on Oct 28^th, 2007, 11:25am

Unbelievable but 6 weeks after my dad dies my father in law has just died. I don't think i can cope anymore. Don't know who i am or where i am, struggling to even move just lately, so dizzy and not with it at all, don't really think i am still alive. I am seeing the gp in the morning to supposedly go back to work on thursday, dont know how i am going to manage that, just going to the gp will be bad enough for me. If i don't go back work i get no money for the mortgage, oh i am such a mess.
Just feel so very ill and out of it, so scared, no i am petrified to be honest.

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by saab on Oct 28^th, 2007, 1:13pm

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, angie. I know it seems like one thing after another at the moment but things will get easier. My uncle died whilst we were on holiday and although it was very upsetting when we heard we are trying to think of the good life he had and the fact that he lived a long life. At the moment you are still in a bit of a shock and that is probably why you are feeling so ill. Good luck at the doctors tomorrow.

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by Barb on Oct 29^th, 2007, 4:04pm

Angie,

I am so sorry for this horrible blow you are facing. You will get through this, just take baby steps. I can't imagin the pain you are having. A warm hug goes to you. :'( Again I am so sorry.

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by angiebaby on Oct 29^th, 2007, 4:48pm

Thankyou for your kind replies.
I have seen the doc this morning and he more or less laughed at me. I asked for his advice and he just said if you can work then work, if you can't then i will give you a sick note. I started to break down and he said do you want a sick note and i just nodded. He has given me 4 weeks off so now i feel even more guilty and won't be able to pay the mortgage. I am going to the CAB tomorrow so they can help me and should help me fill in any forms too.
Thanks for your support and thoughts, i feel like i am going mad, much worse and keep thinking that i am not coping and am gonna die.

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by RLR on Oct 30^th, 2007, 7:18am

Sorry for your loss. It's evident that the past couple of months have been quite difficult for you.

I suppose by one standard, my following comments are untimely, but I'm an old hand at this sort of thing, so let me ask you a question, however, regarding your inability to go back to work. What about these events, while certainly tragic, is causing you to suffer incapacity? Please share with me what it is specifically that is preventing you from functioning occupationally and to that extent, are you unable to function socially as well? In other words, are you unable to leave your home and how are you taking care of yourself throughout the day?

It's very important for you to consider how such events are creating perspectives that affect you to the extent you become occupationally and even socially immobilized. You must apply the logic test to see if your position is warranted.

While the immediate period surrounding the death of loved ones is entirely practical, days to several weeks or more, certain changes in a person's capacity should always be self-analyzed to determine whether other considerations are necessary. If a person finds that a tragic event causes them to shut down in a manner of speaking, contemplation should be undertaken to determine if the response is actually beyond self-control or influence. Are you physically unable to function or just emotionally?

While the emotional pain you are faced with regarding your circumstances naturally takes time for adjustment, you certainly realize that such situations are nevertheless irreversible and for you to simply let go of your own course in order for things to be maintained would suggest that you intend to remain that way until the situation either reverses itself or does not occur again in the future. It is a natural emotional protest because no one wishes for such things to ever happen, regardless of the fact that we know death is inevitable for all people at some point in time.

Coping mechanisms are utilized in many different ways by people and it's important to make a clear separation from what we use to cope with tragedy and what barriers we must establish to prevent those mechanisms from causing us actual harm. Does that make sense? By example, I'll use my own instance in the recent loss of my wife of more than 50 years marriage. The event certainly serves as one of the most tragic events I've encountered and it has been emotionally difficult for me to adjust to being alone in that regard. When you're married to someone for that length of time, one of the greatest fears that develops is that your spouse will pass on before you and cause you to consider finishing the journey alone. Now that's the emotional impact it has had on my life. From a logical standpoint, however, I must take into account an entirely different set of parameters. I cannot stop my practice altogether because there are people depending upon me for their livelihood, nurses, staff, custodians, research fellows, students, and so forth and so on, not to mention my patients who deserve the best care and continued support that I can provide. If I stop in anguish or protest, it causes severe ripple effects upon the lives of others who depend upon my strength to maintain a balanced environment in a circle within which I serve a needed role. It's neither a choice nor an option, but rather a requisite. We are responsible to our social and occupational circles. They need us and vice versa.

There are other practical considerations as well. I cannot stop working because it serves to distract me in a healthy way from any potential for ruminating about the loss of my wife. My only other option is to join the ranks of the fully retired community and begin that arduous and painful wait for my own passing. If those are my alternatives, then it only serves as a point of relegation rather than continuation of my life. See what I'm saying here? Each of us, no matter what our position or pursuit in life, must not let the passing of others, or tragedy of any kind for that matter, cause us to stall and turn direction from our own lives. It serves no useful purpose whatsoever and in most cases, causes the situation to only worsen. We owe it to ourselves to make the very most of what life can offer, regardless in what context whether bold or subtle.

So from an emotional stance, this is the time to grieve for your loss. From a logical and practical standpoint, you must unavoidably also look to your own needs as well and ensure that your emotional grief remains on it's own side of the equation. You realize that you must press on and there's much yet to accomplish, so determine whether you have to stay out of work or whether your emotional state is causing you to feel helpless and incapable. It's very critical to understand that anxiety disorder and it's somatic or physical symptoms will never actually cause you any harm in any manner whatsoever. It is a disturbance of the nervous system and can make you feel strange at times. But this, too, will pass and your life can and will take on a better sense of well-being.

Your fellow members here, along with myself, are certainly here for support. It's presently a time for grief. Beyond that reasonable timeframe, you need to keep pressing forward along with the others here and plan your life accordingly so as to increase your pleasures and diminish discomfort as much as possible.

Best regards and Good Health

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by angiebaby on Oct 30^th, 2007, 3:56pm

It may be difficult for some people to understand, unless they have actually been in some sort of distress, and i know that i am not alone in this also. I can still hear myself three years ago and before that, thinking to myself of others suffering and trying to take their own lives in my hospital environment, why don't they pull themselves together and get on with the rest of their lives? But now having probably suffered what they were going through at the time, i totally understand 110%.
I believe that my problems are emotional. I don't think that i can totally accept this in my brain and i think this may be most of the problem with me. I suppose i might still have the nagging in the back of my head saying that i could not possibly feel so very ill if it is not physical. I try and reassure myself that i have seen a cariologist and i have had an MRI of my brain, which were both clear. I do struggle to accept that my heart is fine because of all the physical symptoms that i get in that area. Also i do try and convince myself everyday that it is fine.
I myself, find it hard to believe that up until three years ago i was a fully functioning happy individual with my life infront of me and looking forward to each new day. Nothing got to me, i could cope with anything that life threw at me, more or less. I was always rushing here and there, helping everyone i could, dedicated to my job and probably too dedicated really. If there was anything going on - i was in with it, or organizing it. Any charity event, i dressed up and raised money and i did this on my own as my surgery are boring and did not take part. I think this prompted more people to donate money, through pity for me as i had done it all alone and was proud of the fact. I have always worked and i have raised three children and looked after my hubby and our home. I have driven around relatives who don't drive and have gone out and danced the night away. Used to love going on holiday and having a drink and a laugh, getting on stage for my kids and taking part. I have always done everything for my family, that i could, and every birthday i have organized them a party and done all the food and entertainment as well. This was my life and now i feel like i have lost all of this.
Three years ago it was suspected that i may have cervical cancer and was called for a colposcopy. I attended and it came back with severe changes. I attended for another one, with a consultant at the hospital and he said all looked fine. Cervix of a 19 year old, no problems. He asked me if i wanted him to ring the lab as he suspected a mix up of results, i said no it is ok. He asked me what i wanted him to do, and me being normal and brave then, said oh do the loop excision just in case while i'm here. What a big mistake that was! He injected me with lots of anaesthetic and because this was going into my cervix my blood pressure dropped, normal i know, but i went 'funny'. I was so very scared, everything went strange and i thought i was going to die. They flipped me back and carried on the operation. I was strapped to the table with nurses around me and totally helpless. It was truly awful. I went 'funny' twice more that day and thought that it was the after affects of the anaesthetic. That was that, for then. A few months later things started to happen to me. I began with flash backs, while awake, and started having the same symptoms that i had had during the operation. I went to the gp and they put me on Seroxat. Second mistake. It made me strange, i told the gp three times about this and they kept on increasing the dose until i could hardly walk. This was the start of the unreality, my body learned this feeling and now it will not let it go. Things carried on getting worse for me, feelings and strange symptoms. I get all the classic symptoms i think, going by what i have read, and a couple of extra's for good measure. I have seen an ENT consultatant, he said that my ears were fine, don't know why i am so dizzy. Cardiologist, sinus tachycardia and sinur arrhythmia and ectopics, normal too. MRI brain scan, normal and XRAY and MRI scan of neck - military neck at C4, but nothing else. I am seeing a counsellor, who is not helping i don't think, i have seen a psychiatrist who just offered me medication which again made me very ill, seeing a physio for my neck and am going to see a neurologist in two weeks to check for muscle problems or meniere's. I was found to have a reflex missing from above my right elbow and a weakness in my right arm, i am right handed. I was also found to have a tremor in my left arm, but nobody knows why. I have panic attacks, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and the symptoms are endless, well that's the way it feels. My hubby says that i am oversensitized, and i agree, but how do i fix it. My legs are like jelly and i feel like they won't hold me up, i am shaking, fast heart beat, hear my heart in my ears, ectopics, dizziness, feelings of doom, faintness, health worries, sheer terror and fear at most things. I don't socialize, i can't even get out of the car and pick up my son from school as i have to walk from the carpark and this terrifies me as i think i will collapse. I believe at times that i am going mad with unreality, DP, DR, feel crazy. GP has given me another 4 weeks off. Just feel like a different person now, feel ill and not right all the time. I hope i have answered your questions RLR.

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by seffie on Oct 31^st, 2007, 2:23am

Hi Angie,
firstly I just want to say that I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.
I read through your post & saw so much of myself in it. Now, I have to say that we are different people, we have had different experiences & may react differently to various situations but there are also lots of things you said that I can relate to.

I'm not a medical person but have done a lot of research in to anxiety disorders & tried a number of different therapies to try to get rid of the anxiety etc. At one time or another I have felt most of the things you describe. I agree with you that unless you have suffered from anxiety issues it is extremely hard to understand. I was also suffering badly from anxiety stuff when my mum died so I know how you're feeling.

his past year has been the hardest for me. I have never felt so ill in my life. After 2 very stressful years which involved working extra days, doing a Diploma course at work which I found very difficult, coping with perimenopause symptoms, anxiety, health anxiety issues & panic attacks my mum died unexpectedly & 3 months after that at a point when I really felt I just couldn't cope anymore & was completely overwhelmed by everything going on I just crashed. I thought I had the flu but no fever etc. I felt so ill I could barely walk to the bathroom. The doctor tested for a virus & then concluded it was nervous exhaustion-he used the outdated term neurasthenia.
This kept coming & going for months, I was barely coping & was having loads of time off work. I couldn't cope with any pressure or demands made on me & when I relapsed my body would feel like lead, I would feel as if I was about to die, I would feel apprehensive, I was too exhausted to even speak sometimes & the strange sensations I used to get terrified me. I did everything I could to help myself-diet, supplements etc but I couldn't shake these awful symptoms. One doctor told me that I wouldn't get better unless I stopped mithering, the next doctor used to look at me wearily & just say that unless I took AD's he didn't have anything else to offer me. I felt isolated, alone, unsupported, helpless & in despair & just so ill that I couldn't believe that there wasn't something physically wrong with me.

Eventually I changed doctors & found a more sympathetic & understanding doctor who said she felt it was CFS. At last I had a proper diagnosis of a condition-albeit a poorly understood one-& someone who was willing to help me. This helped me to feel better almost immediately, however, she hasn't been able to offer me any help with this other than a sympathetic ear. I have my own ideas about what CFS is or isn't but won't go in to that now.

8 weeks ago I started a new therapy which is mainly for treating CFS but also works for other conditions such as anxiety, depression, PTSD etc. It is still early days but I have felt so much better because I have lost a lot of the fear of my symptoms. I understand better what's going on & how the head keeps the physical symptoms going & keeps you in a kind of illness loop. There is still some way to go but I have been able to do things I haven't done since last year without feeling ill. The anxiety is much improved but again, there is still work to do. If you want to know more about the therapy PM me but that isn't the real point of my post. It is not CBT-tried that-not powerful enough for me!

Angie, I don't know if there's something physically wrong with you or not & wouldn't want to say either way. All I know from my own experience is that fear, distress, worry & our reaction to life events can make us feel very ill & then the fear of feeling very ill just keeps that state going. Your mind has huge influence over your body & when these two don't work properly together chaos can ensue. I still have days where I think that there's something wrong but I know that this is just how I've learned to think.

When I read through what you used to do-how capable you were, how much you took on, how busy you were I just thought 'no wonder she got ill'. Yes, the medical procedure may have triggered all of this but chances are your lifestyle prior to all of this may not have been how your body wants you to live your life.

I don't know if this has been at all helpful to you & I don't know what kind of help would be best for you right now. All I know is that when I read your post I thought 'that's how I used to be / think / feel'.
It's not hopeless & you will get your life back but not the old one which may not have been good for you, but a better, more balanced life. If you have had all the necessary tests then really try to stop thinking of the symptoms as dangerous-take a leap of faith. Understand that by thinking in a fearful way you are telling your body that you are in danger & the body has no option but to respond by putting itself on red alert, releasing chemicals & hormones which, in your situation, have the power to make you feel strange & unwell. Your husband is probably right, it's quite likely that your nervous system is sensitised after all the emotional & physical stuff you've been through. As you know, only you can change things but you do need support so if your doctor isn't being very supportive or understanding then consider finding one who is.
I really hope you start to feel better soon Angie. You can & will get better but you do need to find something or someone to help you with this.
love Seffie xx

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by RLR on Oct 31^st, 2007, 4:58am

If you don't mind me asking, were the diagnoses you report of anxiety, depression and PTSD made formally or is this based upon your interpretation of the symptoms you are experiencing? If formal diagnosis was made regarding the PTSD, would you mind sharing with me the origin of the trauma which led to the disorder? Is it related to your surgery experience or another cause?

In review of your limb weakness and tremor, I can tell you that from a neurological standpoint, although they are certainly very real to you, they do not follow any physiological pattern to suggest disease of any kind. The body and brain are hardwired in a certain manner in all humans and the course and presentation of signs representative of trouble will manifest themselves in very recognizable ways. If it's of any comfort, I will share with you that diminished reflex with weakness in the right arm and contralateral tremor of the left arm would not represent a pattern associated with disease of the characteristics familiar within the medical arena. I'll also share with you that the interpretation of reflexes can range widely between physicians performing an evaluation and many things can interfere with the elicitation of reflexes. Specific to the tendon reflex you speak of, gravity itself can greatly affect the elicitation of the reflex depending upon how the examiner is positioning your limb.

Weakness, too, has a very subjective interpretation within a basic neurological examination. For example, if I were examining a patient who presented a diminished or absent reflex with corresponding weakness, I would question my own interpretation of the results and be concerned that increased muscle tone, gravity or other dampening effect would be interferring with my ability to properly elicit the true reflex status. Additionally, actual chronic muscle weakness associated with any type of degenerative process is almost always accompanied by muscle atrophy that affects symmetry when observed on examination, more particularly so when it relates to handedness. There are physical changes in muscle tissues as a consequence of isolated weakness.

Your constellation of symptoms would readily suggest panic disorder and although you've not had good experience with medication, there are suitable alternatives to Seroxat. Clorazepate Dipotassium, brand name Tranxene or Clomipramine, in about the 7.5mg dose range is a very good short-acting benzodiazapine that is tolerated very well and used frequently for symptomatic relief of anxiety disorders. You should certainly discuss this with your primary care physician to help you gain relief to the extent you can be gradually withdrawn from the medication and rely more appropriately upon therapy as maintenance.

With all of your tests returning negative, you'll have to examine whether your steadfast beliefs are possibly in question relating to their accuracy. Disease can't hide from diagnostic evaluation. It doesn't have a mind of its own to practice evasion or concealment.

I've said it many times on this forum; Physical symptoms DO NOT equate with physical disease in a 1:1 direct relationship. You are convinced that something is wrong based upon your own inpterpretation of the symptoms and you're trying to make sense of it by forcing a match between your symptoms and various diseases. It is important, even critical, for you to begin examining the prospect that your perceptions, rather than the medical tests, are in error. You have become obsessed with finding something that isn't there in the way of disease and are compelled to keep searching despite all logic and evidence to the contrary. I can tell you from many years experience as a physician that it's a battle you'll never win because, unfortunately, your perceptions about the cause of your symptoms is the origin of your problem. Your symptoms are very real indeed, but they are without doubt whatsoever, the sole consequence of a disturbance of your nervous system as a result of chronic stress and anxiety disorder.

You're going to be fine, but you have to stop your present course and consider other possibilities. You're not going to die, nor are the symptoms ever going to cause you harm. If you disbelieve this, simply call upon other members to this forum who have demonstrated your very symptoms for months and even years without dire consequences of any nature whatsoever. They continue to rise each day, their hearts still beating strong. Not one incident. So from a logical standpoint, how is it even remotely possible that all of these individuals could remain healthy in spite of their symptoms? It is because the symptoms are the only factor involved. There is no disease. You and the others on this forum are physically healthy. No disease is causing your symptoms.

This is the first step that you must take in order to realize that the threat you've so aggressively held onto is not real in any sense whatsoever. You must seek to treat the source of your actual problem and not what you believe to be the case. Again, it's time to consider that you're impressions are faulty and causing your symptoms to become exacerbated and in doing so, make you even more convinced that you're right just because symptoms are growing worse. Do you see what I'm suggesting here?

You're going to be fine. I'll stake me reputation and experience on it.

Best regards and Good Health

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by beadbabe on Oct 31^st, 2007, 1:37pm

Oh angiebaby
so sorry to hear your latest news. this will not be helping you to recover especially so soon after your dad's passing.

Anyway, just wanted to reassure you that I have had every symptom you describe and other weird ones besides. The ectopics continue and they are pretty much constant with spells of extreme frequency every day. the dizzy spells come and go and they freak me out but not as much as they used to - I used to have dizziness constantly for months.

I sometimes think I am starting to get better and then I slip back, and I have been where you are now. Unable to leave the house without panic attacks. Twice I have been at that stage and that is when I have persevered with medication and after a month or so started to feel more able to cope with the symptoms. I came off medication the first time after a few months because I felt up to dealing with it and didn't reallly want to take tablets. Now I am several months into taking them and my GP has recommended that I do not try to come off in the year, but allow my brain to get used to doing normal things and over time my nervous system will become desensitised.

Your experience with your operation sounds horrible, you poor thing. And I am sure that is enough to tip someone over the edge into high anxiety and panic and all your symptoms. I had a similar medical related trigger. BTW - I have a feeling that any messing around with the cervix (eg smear test or examinations) can trigger a faint. It has happened to me on more than one occasion. It also has happened to me during periods with severe cramps. My female GP told me it is because the cervix has some connections to the vagus nerve - and we all know how that messes with our systems. so perhaps it is not surprising you felt funny.

I expect that you are just like me and have no medical problems but just a messed up nervous system. Can you try to be brave and get back to work, even if you think you are barely functioning? Maybe it would help take your mind off yourself. I bet no-one else would notice because it has been proved that adrenaline actually sharpens thinking! I feel better on the rare occasions when I am not thinking about my 'illness'. Even coming on here and trying to give some 'useful' advice helps me out.

Just to illustrate an example of how our brains can affect our symptoms - today my friend was telling me about her little boy who had fainted. As I have fainted a few times myself, I was able to explain a few simple likelihoods. (turns out he had been standing still for ages looking up at the moon!). But as I was talking about it, I started to feel very light-headed and faint myself and those ectopics started to kick in big time. Just thinking about fainting was enough to set me off. See what I mean?

Anyway, I know it's not easy but you can get better. I have had really awful symptoms and they are still here but I think and hope I am getting better (just a teeny bit). You can if I can. I am two years into this now and there are ups and downs but small changes can make a difference. Don't let these symptoms beat you - they cant harm you, even if you think they will. They haven't yet and never will.

xx

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by angiebaby on Oct 31^st, 2007, 3:07pm

I am so very lucky to have people on here who are willing to listen to me drone on and on when i am in such a mess like this. I really do appreciate the time and trouble, and upset, that you go through to leave me these messages to help to reassure me. As i say i know i am not alone, but i am finding things hard as i am not used to being anything like this dollop or mess that i am right now. I was a very strong, together and 'in control' person, probably helping my downfall i think. Control freak! And because i am not in any sort of control anymore, it is not helping me at all.
To answer RLR: My problems did first start a couple of months after my operation on my cervix. I know that this area of the body can cause problems anyway, i have first hand experience and i have nursed people who have fainted when the doctor or nurse have treated their cervix's. But my brain obviously went ahead of me and created a problem whilst i was having the op due to the reaction of the anaesthetic on my blood pressure. I began having flash backs of the operation, the sensations and the feelings as if i was back on that table going through it all again. This continued and got worse over the past two and a half years. I began with the unreality after i had been on the Seroxat and i think that my brain has acquired 'learned behaviour' of this and has gripped onto this feeling and will not let it go so i have suffered unreality, DP and DR ever since.
I began seeing a counsellor, at my request, and she has diagnosed me with PTSD, anxiety, panic and depression. I am still seeing her. Obviously i have become worse and worse these past few months as i lost my dad and father in law. So have had more feelings and more symptoms and much more panic.
The thought of medication again in one way frightens the life out of me and in another makes me feel like there could be hope. It frightens me because of my past experiences, Seroxat of course, but then i had one tablet off a psychiatrist who i asked to see and this was awful. Something beginning with D. I only had one and three hours later i felt so ill and physically sick, had a migraine and for the next two days i could not eat or drink and my heart was constantly around the 120 mark. He had given me a 60mg tablet! He apologised and gave me Citalopram 5mg. He told me it was very safe and older people had it, it was that safe. I did take it for about two weeks. I was more floaty and spaced out and dizzy but i still took it. Then after the two weeks i had two nose bleeds. This is a phobia i have had since i was little and i could not cope with that, so i stopped them. I have not taken anything since and all of this has made me so scared again that i won't even take a paracetamol anymore.
So i believe and the counsellor believes that the operation was the start of my trauma and problems and as time has gone on, things have progressed and got worse.
My main problem is this dizziness. It scares me so much because it isn't lightheadedness, just a little giddy when you get up sort of thing. This is full blown, drop to your knees sort of dizziness. The room spins, if i sit still i am ok, but if i move my head or get up and walk anywhere everything is going round and i am cloudy, floaty, not here at all. Sometimes i feel like i am on a boat, cannot look at the floor when i am walking, i walk into things and lose my balance. If i move my head, neck or body it is very much worse and sudden. I am seeing a physio who thinks that it might be my neck, i do have military neck anyway. My muscles are tight and i have to do exercises with my neck and shoulders. Even if i am in the house i get this, of course this has led me to not wanting to go anywhere or do anything as it is very severe. I know this could be through anxiety and there are a lot of people who have this dizziness, but is there's really as severe as mine is - so it is literally stopping me wanting to go and do anything as it is so very bad. This scares me into thinking that i will collapse and die, losing my mind in the process.
I know this might sound silly, but you are right in saying RLR, that the feelings and the sensations are very, very real! It feels like i am drunk all the time, or i have been having gas and air, like when i had one of my children. That is how severe it is all the time. Is this normal? If i could get rid of that then i think i would be a lot better than i am.
I know that if i think things or talk about certain things then it makes me worse. I have experienced this a lot too. Cant really talk about my dad, or even look at his picture, too much for me. But i spoke to my counsellor to let her know about my father in law and i had been given another sick note for another 4 weeks which i knew she would be glad about, and while i was talking to her on the phone i felt so much worse as i was telling her how i was suffering at the moment. She is going to speak to a psychiatrist for his advice. When i was done on the phone i could not move from the kitchen, it was awful, my legs would not go and i was scared. Perhaps this is why i always feel so bad when i am due to go and see her, scared but don't now why, perhaps because i have to talk about my self and i really hate that. Makes me feel awful and much worse.
So not going anywhere and doing anything is because i feel so 'unsafe', so cloudy and floaty and very very drunk. Things spin, i get scared. Normal?x

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by beadbabe on Nov 1^st, 2007, 1:00am

Angie - to reassure you, yes, I have had dizziness constantly this badly. As if you are drunk, and even worse when you move around. All day and night when I woke up even or moved in bed. It was at its worst just before I started Citalopram - it was then I couldn't take the symptoms any more. It got worse for a couple of weeks on the citalopram, but started to dwindle after a few weeks. Now I only get it a couple of times a day, or every so often for a whole day. It usually comes back in the evenings when I am tired. In fact the dizziness symptoms were what started my whole downward spiral into anxiety and following that about a year later palpitations. (I am presuming it is all linked??)

I have honestly had it as badly as you describe and, like you, I have had all the tests come back clear. I also have had neurologists and ENT people test me for reflexes etc and notice little things that they mentioned, but perhaps everybody wuold come up with something if they were tested in such detail as we have been. No-one is perfect!

Keep working at overcoming those feelings and knowing that no harm is going to come to you. Look how bad you can feel and nothing happens - only a panic attack at worst. Horirble but treat the panic attack, as some books say, like a horrible dragon that is trying to trick you into feeling frightened. Look it in the face and tell it to go away, you recognise it and you are not frightened of it. (Okay, okay, you might still feel frightened at first but deep down you know panic and anxiety are not going to harm you)

Lots of love and reassurance from me

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by angiebaby on Nov 1^st, 2007, 6:14am

Oh thanks bead, you are very kind.
It is very horrible and i would feel much better if it weren't for this and the ectopics.
I was woken this morning by ectopics, i had 12 before i got out of bed but they were only every third beat which i suppose is something! There was that all too familiar long pause again and again. They do still worry me although those ones aren't too bad, it's the ones that don't stop at all for ages that are worst i think, make your chest feel like it's doing the cha cha and there are not any normal beats, just all over the place ectopics. I hate them a lot and they do really scare me. So today, so far, i have had 14 ectopics, which for these past few weeks is a lot for me as i had been having upto about 5 which is very good. If it isnt one thing its another, and now i'm flued up to the eyeballs too!!

Title: Re: Now my father in law dies this morning
Post by billycat on Nov 2^nd, 2007, 3:07pm

I'm so sorry for your loss Angiebaby - so soon after your Dad. Take your time -read and re-read the great posts you have recieved!

With very best wishes

billycatx