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Heart Palpitations Forum >> Symptoms and other concerns >> Worst day of my life
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Message started by Dodger on Dec 13^th, 2012, 4:43pm

Title: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Dec 13^th, 2012, 4:43pm

Hey Folks,

I know its been a long time since my last post. But believe it or not I had been doing wonderfully better. My anxiety was completely under control as my mind grasped the fact that 99% of my palpitations were being caused by my GERD and other stomach issues. Having had every test under the sun, from CT scans to echo-cardiograms and the like including an extended hospital stay all turned up the some thing. Nothing was wrong with me, except anxiety.

Flash forward to 11-19-2012. My 16 year old daughter passed away in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. She had been feeling poorly all day but nothing that set off any alarms. We tucked her into bed and said goodnight. The next morning my wife got up and heard my daughters alarm going of and went in to turn it off and found that she had passed away in the night. The Medical Examiner has said that it could take up to 6 months before we have all of the answers that has caused this nightmare to visit my family.

Right on cue the anxiety and palpitations have started again, but this time I feel in more control. I know that it is stress, lack of sleep and the situation that is contributing to these events and that as before they will pass.

I did not come back on here to post for sympathy or what not, but to hopefully help somebody else to get thru and realize that they are ok, and will get past this as well. My soul aches for the loss of my wonderful girl in my life, but with faith, family and friends I feel that I will get thru this. I don't think I will ever get over her loss ,but hope to be able to get thru it and move past this darkness.

I wish you all the best and that this post and my thoughts and prayers will help somebody as a lot of you on here have helped me.

Thank you

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by RLR on Dec 13^th, 2012, 5:46pm

Well we are certainly saddened by your tragic loss and you should never feel hesitant about visiting here. Sympathy is a very natural response in such instances and is definitely not looked upon as being sought after by your presence on the forum.

My late wife and I lost our only son at an early age, so I certainly know the pain you are experiencing. Parents should never have to outlive their children and there is seldom any insight gained by such a tragedy but rather a searing affirmation of the love parents have for their children. I do indeed wish you all the best in your recovery from such an event and I will be around if you need anything.

With respect to you symptoms, they are very definitive of the underlying cause as has been discussed at great length on the forum and any life-altering event can induce their presence.

Again, my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

Best regards,

Rutheford Rane, MD (ret.)

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Dec 13^th, 2012, 5:51pm

Thank you sir for your kind word and thoughts. Your input, advice and guidance has been a big help in my finding the peace of mind that I had found before.

I appreciate this forum, you and the people on it very much

Peace

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by alex.jones on Dec 13^th, 2012, 10:14pm

Dodger,

I know that words can't really offer the kind of comfort you need while dealing with such a life-altering event.

Your post was heartbreaking to read, and I am truly sorry for all you and your family are going through.

Praying you find some peace during this difficult time.

Alex

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by richie on Dec 13^th, 2012, 11:03pm

hi Dodger

tears in my eyes.
I have a daughter almost your age.
I wish I could find the words to ease your pain.... but i can't
I wish you and your family all the strength and love to pull through this

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by saab on Dec 14^th, 2012, 6:30am

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. It is heartbreaking to lose someone so young. My best wishes to your family at this difficult time.

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Dec 14^th, 2012, 7:44am

Thanks folks , I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

This has truly been the darkest nightmare of my life. But I keep practicing all of the things I learned from folks on here to deal with the anxiety and just make thru each day. Sometimes its hour by hour and others it day by day. With the palpitations and anxiety back its obvious they are stress related so I just have to keep going with the faith that this will pass as well.

I miss her so much and my soul literally aches for the loss of her in my life.

Thank you again

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by mac on Dec 15^th, 2012, 12:32pm

Dodger...so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by AbbyH on Dec 17^th, 2012, 12:40pm

Words cannot express how very sorry I am for your loss.

I wish I could say more to comfort you...

Hang in there, you have my many many prayers.

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Typer on Dec 18^th, 2012, 8:02am

Dear Dodger

I am so, so sorry this tragedy has happened to you and your family. I admit I shed tears reading this. My heart truly goes out to you.

The waiting must be incredibly difficult and I hope they are able to tell you something sooner than 6 months. I dont know how these things work but from a past tragedy where I lost a 5 month old child - I remember being in total shock and not understanding why such a thing could happen. Please let us know how you are when you can.

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Dec 18^th, 2012, 11:59am

Thank for all of the thought and concerns. I'm having a rough couple of days lately. Its has been a month since my daughter passed and I miss her so much. I have had some not so bad days and even had some decent times. But then I look for her or want to talk to her and it all crashes back down. Some days it feels like the tears wont ever stop and the pain is overwhelming.

I have been having some anxiety attacks lately to. As you folks I was having anxiety over my health and feared that I would die with no warning and such. I had gotten control back of my mind and was making headway. Then my 16 year old daughter passes away with no warning or reason that I can understand and I can feel it all starting again.

I feel I am in better control than before but I just cant comprehend getting thru. Like today I am having chest pains. I know its heart burn because I am not eating right or sleeping right and for that matter not sleeping well. I imagine it is just a knot of grief in my chest. I am just so sad most time.

I am trying to get out of the house some more. I am also getting motivated to start looking for a new job as have been un employed since October. Not anxiety there actually had bone spurs in both ankles and since I work in the Restaurant business its kind of hard to stand on your feet for 10 hours a day when you can barely stand on your feet. So I am looking for new career that doesn't require so much standing.

Sorry to ramble so much, trying not to sound like I am whining. Hope you all have a wonderful Holiday. Hug your loved ones especially your children.

Thank you

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by AbbyH on Dec 18^th, 2012, 3:26pm

Oh you do not sound like your whining. Death is a terrible thing to deal with and even harder in your case.

Everything you are going through is because of yor grief. Take your time and grieve. One day at a time.

Im sending you and your wife lots of internet hugs..

Abby

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by richie on Dec 19^th, 2012, 2:10am

hi Dodger

Sorry to ramble so much, trying not to sound like I am whining

My friend. You are not whining. You are going through a period and process in your life, no parent should/would ever be allowed to go through

I respect your strength to wish us a Wonderful Holiday and to hug our loved ones and espescially our children.

thx man.
respect !

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Dec 19^th, 2012, 5:22am

Well today is something I did not expect. First let me give some background. My Cricket helped teach Sunday school at Church and her favorite class was the little kids, 5-10 years old. Out of any given month she would only attend the service itself once the rest of the time she would be teaching.

When the shooting s happened in NewTown, Conn. my first image, almost instantly, was of my daughter waiting in Heaven for these poor children.

So last night I had a dream of my Cricket. She was standing with a bunch of children next to a white school bus helping them get organized and on the buses. I got a chance to hold her tight and tell her I loved her and then I woke up.

So you can interpret this any way you like as I know how I am interpreting it. My Cricket is safe and sound in Heaven, doing things she loved to do and helping other children. She knows that I love her and it will be ok. So today I have been crying alot and feel very fragile. But I also feel a little better and the world is not as dark as it was yesterday.

Thank you and Have a Happy Holiday

PS Thanks Abby and Richie I appreciate the thoughts.

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by richie on Dec 19^th, 2012, 6:42am

hi Dodger

beautiful dream. I know what you mean by So you can interpret this any way you like as I know how I am interpreting it.
some believe , some dont
I will be very honest to you. and very open. me myself, am not raised to believe in any God. I often think about it. Is there a God, Heaven, and so on? I dont know. I HOPE there is. Cause it all would feel so useless than.
I really do hope you saw your "angel" the other night and that you could see her doing what she did best. its comforting that she was helping those kids. ( awful incident again in Newtown..I really dont get how out of your mind you must be to kill children of that age)???
What pains me that God needs your daughter and those kids in heaven? I know we all live in borrowed time but, pff its hard.

Keep the faith my friend !!

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Jan 2^nd, 2013, 4:44am

Today was/is my daughters 17 birthday. I have been having episodes of feeling like I am going to faint all week. Just sitting on the couch and I feel my heart flutter a little bit and then my face gets all prickly and I feel like I am going to pass out.

I have been dreading today as it was always a special day we shared. I used to always let her stay home from school and we would do something fun. The thought of not having her in my life never crossed my mind. I have walked many dark roads in my life and the good Lord has always seen me through. I just need to have faith that even though this road is darker, longer and harder than ay other that the good Lord will see me thru this as well.

Peace to you all

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by richie on Jan 2^nd, 2013, 5:03am

I only can try to understand how difficult this day must be. :-/ (it must be really hard)

I hope in these dark difficult times you sometimes have sheds of light and even a smile remembering the beautiful and great moments of and with her.

hang in there my friend !!

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Jan 9^th, 2013, 5:22am

So the ME called yesterday with the cause of death and I am even more confused because it does not make sense.

Acute Chronic Brochialitis and Acute Broncho Pneumonia, pardon spelling I am a chef not a Doctor. I just don't understand because she was not that sick. No wheezing, no complaints of chest pain or could not breath. She had a temperature but there was nothing that set off any alarms.

I am just feeling very fragile and raw again today, and m anxiety is thru the roof. Thanks for listening. I know this is not in the theme of this forum but I just needed to get it out. :'(

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by richie on Jan 9^th, 2013, 7:52am

Hi Dodger

I can understand it doesnt answer your questions.
you think that a healthy teenager shouldnt have to die from this
Also or espescially when your impression at that particular day wasnt one of a very ill teenager.
Very difficult to grasp. Is there a possibility for you to ask what complications these pneumonia might have triggered?
Like always I wish you and your family all the strength in the world !!

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by rosekay on Jan 31^st, 2013, 4:40am

I'm so very sorry, Dodger. I can't think of anything to say that will really help, but I do send you love and prayers with all my heart xx

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by saab on Feb 5^th, 2013, 9:33am

Just wanted to say again how very sorry I am for your loss. No parent should have to face your situation. I will be thinking of you and your family in the coming weeks and hope that in time you will find some peace.

I have been reading books on Mindfulness of late and have found Jon Kabbat Zinn 'Mindful Way Through Depression' helpful - it has a cd of guided exercises. The cd is also on You Tube.

Title: Re: Worst day of my life
Post by Dodger on Feb 6^th, 2013, 10:37am

Thanks everybody, I really appreciate the kind words. I am having good days and bad days.

I have not been having palpitations but I have be having a lot of chest pain. I had and Echocardiogram and a stress test and and EKG and all of my test came back normal. But some days I just feel like the whole world is collapsing on me and that any minute something tragic is going to happen. The only medical conditions that I have been diagnosed with is GERD and a Hiatel Hernia and Vitamin D deficiency.

I am assuming that the chest pains and anxiety are from grief and my stomach issues. But I will tell you that sometimes I get really scared and just feel like hell. My doctor tells me that I am on a good road to recovery but the bad days make me feel like I just sliding into darkness.

Take care you all hope you find peace