saab
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The description you've just given sounds very like I was when I was first diagnosed with ectopics. My GP said it was like PTSS due to the operation I had being quite traumatic and then the shock of having the heart thing and being sent to A and E for tests. I just couldn't engage with anyone or anything and often had a sense of detachment from everything.
I once said to my husband that I wasn't the person I used to be (even though I'm a lot better than I was) - his response was that none of us are, we are all changing, we are all different than we were. I try now not to worry too much that I won't ever 'be myself' again - we are all affected by our experiences, so it would be strange if the upset we are suffering didn't have an effect on us.
Some changes will be positive, some negative - I am more sympathetic now to people with stress or mental health problems, whereas I used to be a bit "oh pull yourself together". In a negative way though, I was always the sort of person who would walk a mile back to a shop to return the 20p I was overpaid in change - I wouldn't now, so in some ways I guess I am a bit more selfish. My aim is to get to a point where I am feeling well most of the time, I don't expect to be the person I was 3 years ago.
After not having had many ectopics since around April, mine have come back over the last two weeks. Can't think of a reason. I am also feeling them more in my chest too, which is quite distressing. I had them all day today and felt like crying - I've never actually cried about having them, even though it's been three years. It's just so frustrating when you feel you were on the way to getting over it all.
However, when I can get myself to think logically, I can see that this is just a hiccup - a bump in the road. This is the pattern of recovery though, I guess - it is never a graph where the line climbs steadily upwards, it is always up, down, up down, but still gradually going up.
Every year in October half term we go away with my sisters family - off to Cornwall tomorrow morning. Well, three years ago we went to Dunoon in Scotland - it was 9 weeks after my op, and 8 weeks after my overnight in A and E and ectopic diagnosis. I spent the week totally anxious, wouldn't leave the house without my husband or sister. Hardly spoke, took my mobile to the toilet in case I felt ill, printed off maps of the hospital just in case. Now, even though the ectopics are back - feeling them right now in my chest - I am still 100% better than I was three years ago.
I guess what I am saying is that you feel terrible now, but you won't always feel like this. There will be times when you feel bad, but it is possible to get better. There will always be setbacks, but thousands of people overcome anxiety, depression, PTSS - we aren't special, if proven techniques have worked for them, they can work for us. It just takes time and perseverance.
Sorry to hijack the thread a bit and go off on one. I hope you feel better soon.
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