angiebaby
Gold Forum Member
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Posts: 261
england
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First day back at work today after 6 months off.
Well i am so sorry, but it was awful and much worse than i expected!! I got there ok and got in there ok, hubby was with me. He stayed with me and sat outside my room in case i needed him. I got in my room and turned on my pc and that was it, i went to pieces. Everything was unreal and unusual and i felt i couldn't cope with it i just felt too weird. A colleague came in, early to help me, and she had got me a balloon, bless her! I was just sobbing! She took quite a few patients off my list so it wasn't as much for me but it wasn't reallly that that was the problem to be honest. I just felt so 'not here' and 'not with it' at all. Everything was so awful. I got all my things ready and i did see my patients and i did stay for the full 4 hours but sitting here writing this now it just seems like i havent been except for the fact that i am upset again because i have felt so ill ever since. It has just been so bad, i knew it would be bad, but i didn't really expect it to be quite as bad as that. Hubby is really proud of me for going and for staying and doing it but i don't know if i can go back again. After work i had to nip to a shop, which i did, hubby with me and i got out of the car and walked in the shop fine and thought ok i can do this. I stood at the counter and all of a sudden both my ears shut off - i couldn't hear - the pressure was in my head and neck and i felt like i was going to pass out right there and then. I took a deep breathe and put my head down and eventually i went ok, but i havent had this symptom for a few weeks and not this bad for ages and ages. This really scared me, it was so very bad. Does anyone else get this? I am just suffering so very much right now, still got the unreality and my thoat feels closed off and swollen, even my tongue feels swollen. I am so sad and if i just sit in my chair, again, it isn't so bad, but if i move everything gets so bad again. Unreality, dizziness, the phone rang and i knew it would be my mum asking how i have done and i got a shot of panic that i would have to even talk to her!! These symptoms are so very awful!! I don't feel like i have let anyone down because i did go and i did the full 4 hours, and the guilt should subside now as well which will be good. But i just feel so ill and scared, so 'out of it', not even in my own head.
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