Karen03
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I Love YaBB 2!
Posts: 72
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I waited a few days to reply because I wanted to really absorb this information, and to gather my thoughts (to the best of my ability).
Perspective, now that's something that has become completely distorted as I find myself in the throws of this health anxiety. Having said that, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't appreciate the incredible life that I've been blessed with. I've been married to my husband for almost twenty years, and I do believe he's the greatest humanbeing I have ever known (or ever will know). With each year that passes, it just gets better and better (and to think, I met this man on a beach when he arrogantly walked over to me wearing a bright- green, hideous, speedo and had the nerve to insult my beautiful, pink, polka-dot bikini!). We have a son that I live each and every day for. I couldn't imagine having a better mother/son relationship, he's my sweet baby (though he's twelve now). We are fortunate enough to travel the world, and live in our own bit of paradise.
I feel that a contributing factor to my health anxiety is the fact that I feel too blessed. I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve such goodness, and I fear that it will be taken away from me at any moment. When I first experienced the heart palpitations, I thought to myself, this is it, I'm not going to be around much longer to appreciate what I've got. I knew it was too good to last. After that, the vicious cycle began. More heart palps, anxiety, fear of the palps, panic attacks, anxiety, palps, etc. etc. etc. From one doctor to the next, I was awaiting the inevitable diagnosis. Obviously, that never came, however; the fear has been constantly fueled and the health anxiety now plays a siginificant part of my life (and quality of life). Rather than enjoying each and every day, I wonder if it will be my last. Meanwhile, time is quickly going by and I'm wasting a great deal of it. For every friend that tells me they envy my marriage and the family ties I have, it's another reason to panic and fear the worst. RLR, you obviously have a very fulfulling life and know how to enjoy every moment of it. You don't question it, you live for the moment and I have no doubt that every person in your life celebrates living as well. Your 84 and I'm 44, there's no comparrison in quality of lives, yours is far superior to mine. In other words, I know that age has nothing to do with how we choose to live, I just fear that I have lost the ability to take control of my life. If I could live life as you do, then I know I would have reached the greatest success possible. No, I don't want to live life simply waiting, I just want to learn how to live life once again. Thank you for the wonderful insight, and trust me, I will do my best to apply it. Thanks again! Karen
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