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With all that said, I haven't actually talked about my concerns, so here goes:

Bisoprolol doesn't seem to be working anymore. Previously, 1.25mg was enough to semi-cap my heart rate at around 130. Panic attacks would not cause my heart rate to go much over this  and it would take quite a lot ofexertion to get my heart going faster than about 130. Of course, I could make it go much faster with harder exertion but in general it was capped. Over the last month or two I've been having panic attacks again and bisoprolol is not having this affect anymore. A panic attack can cause my heart rate to go up to 200 beats a minute or more and I don't know what's changed. I've upped my dose to 2.5mg a day (morning and night) and this is still not enough to cap my heart rate. I realise these are low doses but their affects seem to have been lost altogether. When I was in hospital in November, minor exertion seemed to have a profound effect on heart rate. Just sitting up in the morning from sleeping some days caused my heart to go to about 150 bmp! Once I stood up to go to the bathroom, it raced even more, I suspect it was going more than 180bmp!

I was able to counter this by drinking lots of water and it would stop racing like this after a few hours, so I guess it could have been dehydration, but I was still drinking quite a bit. My blood pressure was also lowered (doctors were not concerned about this drop at all) while in hospital, lowest was 80/42 first thing in the morning.

I seem to have also developed another symptom: hand tremors. I can't hold my hands out, stretch them out or hold something without them shaking. It isn't violent, but it's noticable. They also seem to be cold all the time, aswell;which is not so concerning because it has been unusually cold in this part recently, both outisde and in. I literally wake up to a cold bed. I think it could possibly be the humidity, because it has been warmer for a day or so and my hands have warmed up...I think it's the freezing cold air that's making them cold because right down to my wrists are nice and warm, then the exposed hands are cold... I know anemia can do this but how would anemia explain for the warming? Not really a concern I guess.

I'm also having a strange symptom where I seem to "phase out" for a split microsecond. It feels so strange, as if someone has pulled the plug on me. I feel like I am about to go in to a fit (I've never had one for reference, though). I seem to get it when I'm having higher anxiety and sometimes it causes me to shut my eyes forcefully, tense a muscle or group or muscles or jerk in some way (like the involuntary jerk you sometimes get when going to sleep). Somtimes, I can even bring it only subtly by purposely trying to blank my mind of everything, I also get it when I'm trying to get to sleep at night. This symptom can also be brought on my certain things like noises and movements. Noises that are unexpected, but not startling, if that makes any sense. For example, I could be watching a film and the shot will change in to a closer scene, where the sound does not change, but new sounds are introduced like talking. It the sudden, unexpectedness that can cause it.

Another symptom I've noticed is my face feels hot all the time. I don't know if this is facial flushing but I know it isn't a fever. I just checked my temperature with a tympanic thermometer in both ears (left: 36.4, right: 36). Also, I should note that I seem to be able to get widely varying number with this thermometer and I don't know if I'm using it properly, it is a Genius 2 thermometer. Once, I was able to read 34 degrees and then 36.7 degrees in the same ear. I've moved it around and tried many position and it's definitely not fever temperature.

Lastly, and this is my main reason for posting, is something that happened last night. I was having a normal day and something had angered me early evening and I was thinking negatively on it all night. When I got in to bed I started having even deeper negative thoughts about losing family members (which are completely unrelated thoughts to what actually made me angry).

These thoughts I think were brought on by my other thouhgts about my own bad health. A little later, I noticed my heart was racing. I don't know how fast but I "feel" it was beating around 1.8-2 times per second. It was definitely not a resting rate and I couldn't get it to slow down. Then, I got up and had a drink of water, got back in to bed and led down, which seemed to make it slow down (again, I wasn't counting beats) to about perhaps 80-85. I then got to sleep and was for the first time in my life, somewhat violently woken. I think I literally "writhed" and squirmed for a second or two and I felt as if I couldn't beathe. Not a smothering sensation, but as if I couldn't use the muscles that control breathing. I was also hot and unusually sweaty (I had to wipe the sweat off with a towel) It was very scary and I have previously had the sensation of not being able to breathe while in states of high anxiety, it happens at that split second before falling in to sleep from wakefulness; neither awake nor asleep.

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hi george just want to say welcome bak

the waking up sweating & dreams etc etc sounds very familiar to me !!! i can be dropping of to sleep and suddenly i will shoot upright and my heart will race and im clammy ! i usualyl do this 2 - 3 times before going to sleep, i usually get this when im in a high state of anxiety or stressed :/ the dreams are also a nightmare!!! i can have real vivid dreams which are associated with death and my heart, i had one last night where my partners mum died and she came back in spirit but she didnt know only i knew and i could see everyone ignorning her, then it switched to her coffin and stuf like that !!! Real awful stuff, i hope rlr gives u more info xx

Wow George, you have had a lot to contend with.

I hope RLR can help with the symptoms.

I just want to say how hard it is to separate what is physical and what is more psychological. Illness, in my experience of me, is worsened by anxiety and anxiety is worsened by illness.

Your dream depicts fear of loosing ones very life source I would say. Its as though you have lost faith in your own body. Its as though you feel let down by it almost. Certainly it feels as though you see things as beyond your control

How can you turn things around a bit?

For me the worst part of any of what I suffer, is the fast, hard beats. Mostly it happens for a few seconds to a few minutes...but I hate it and feel very light-headed when it happens.

Iv had those zaps too...where its as though you've been switch off and will just black out, but its for moments.

George..welcome back, even though I am sure you'd rather not be here

There is this horrid bug around...sounds like you have it. Oh no! We can do without that as it does seem to make these things worse.

You know, with your abscess problems, and everything that's gone on, maybe you've lost faith in the treating doctors too. So sorry to  read how ill you have been.

You can turn this around though, or at least that is what I believe.

my husband works for a doctor sometimes. She cured her husbands leg ulcers with manuka honey. It took a long while but it cured it. I know its a bit unconventional, but they are using it in hospitals for mrsa etc. Would it be worth looking into?

The honey must be manuka and it has to be of high potency to work. It takes a few months also...some people give up after a week or so.

here is one article

http://www.manukahoney.co.uk/howtouse.html


and here

http://www.mamaherb.com/abscesses-home-remedy-using-manuka-honey


It must be active manuka and a strength of 15+ or even higher. They sell it in Holland and Barrett.

I mentioned it because a doctor suggested it. It is used in our hospitals also. Apologies if it is not appropriate.