Kathyrn - hello there this fine and sunny Sunday morning. Get out there and enjoy some FREE activities.
I have got some words and a true story about a friend of mine that I want you to read. Please don't take any of it as criticism just words that I hope will help you.
I have read through RLR's advice and it is so very wise. If finances are ruining your life then there's something you need to attack now. And realise that money is not what makes us happy. Lack of it may make you unhappy but having it will not get you happy. Look at all those really rich people who are clearly not happy - eg Robbie Williams (constantly in rehab), Princess Diana (tried to commit suicide), err, Posh Spice, resorts to ridiculous amounts of dieting and plastic surgery in an attempt to be happy.
There's one little thing that worries me in what you said... "Me and my husband would love to run our own business and have land or property paying for itself not the other way round"
If you are striving for happiness and stress, please examine why you want to run your own business. Is it for more money or less stress? running your own business won't necessarily lead to either. And having land or property that pays for itself - isn't that just asking the impossible. To get financial benefits is nothing but hard work and long hours - nothing pays for itself. I don't mean to tell you off at all here, I just see you as someone who wants to get well and feel good and that is more important for you and those around you than anything else - like cars, the kind of home you are in, the clothes you wear. And getting well means less stress, more joy from within - not from more stuff that money can buy. It's reallly only the landed gentry or people who have inherited money who can have land and property that pays for itself.
I am so tired of people I know striving for this. Look at this story... I have a close friend who Has two homes within half a mile of each - one they're 'renting' out. They have fallen into the trap of being a 'landlord' - the craze that seems to be sweeping this nation - some sort of get rich quick idea that forces up property prices and makes it really hard for first time buyers because there is a shortage of property in the UK. Now this particular friend is always moaning to me about how stressed she is with her three children. And now she's taken on part-time work, and is paying for childcare (all through the holidays - which leaves her with 0p in her pocket). She and the kids are always in the latest clothes and fashions - they have a two cars (one is a really flash one with her husband's job). The kids do every activity going - ballet and swimming lessons, football. They have every toy (basically they are spoilt rotten), including a £400 trampoline in their back garden. She complains they can't take holidays. They live in a big house. They are trying to achieve some kind of dream that is way beyond their capabilities. Oh the interest rates are going up now - so they're going to have even less money coming in from their property that 'is paying for itself'. In my opinion she would be happier not working and having less than trying to be in 10 places at once. They may even have more money than shelling out for childcare. I actually want to shake her and tell her to wise up - and ask her what it is she is trying to achieve. She is jealous that I take holidays with my family - but we drive two old bangers, and only own one house. It's all about where your priorities lie - I know I'm not well with anxiety etc, but I do what I can to prioritise what is important and we are lucky we haven't gone beyond our means. But the value in not having flash cars and not working to me is less about money (although I wouldn't get much in my pocket after tax and childcare) is about hopefully me being less stressed, having time with the kids when they are small (and builidng up a good memory bank), maybe getting better soon and feeling much healthier and happier.
I can see your naughty half empty side kicking in

I found this for you on bbc website re average UK house prices - you will see you are no worse off than the rest of the country.
Average Cost: £210,578
Detached: £323,332
Semi-detached: £189,617
Terraced: £168,134
Flat: £196,505
Kathryn - I know I don't know you - but you have been a friend to me on here - just don't fall into the trap that my friend has and take RLR's advice. Please take all my words in the kind spirit they are intended. I hope you find a way through the financial maze.
I know you have done CBT - have you ever looked and mind-mapping (Tony Buzan) - it's really good for logical problem solving - ways through practical problems. My husband always does it - for work and home life. It might be worth you and your husband looking at so you can look at all aspects of a problem and solving them in the best way for you.
bead xxx