angiebaby
Gold Forum Member
Offline
Posts: 261
england
Gender:
|
Oh that was so awful!!!! I had two massive central ectopics before i even left the house! :'( I managed to get out of the car and actually into the place and then i went all to pieces, i was too scared to actually go into the room. My hubby and two boys went in and i just stood by the door, to scared to look. I broke down and was just a wreck, eventually i managed to peer around the door and take a look at him. Oh it was so devastating, so terrible. I managed to get to the coffin and put the stuff in that i had to put in, hubby and boys put theirs in and then i just had to leave. My legs were so bad i didn't think i would make it back to the car. I was having a massive panic attack and thought i would just collapse, faint and die!! I've still got to follow the coffin to be accepted into church tonight and go to the funeral tomorrow, don't know how i will do this, today has been enough for me. I have nursed all my life and up until i left the hospital four years ago, the switch in my head was switched off. Dead bodies and the like never bothered me because it never got past the switch. I have been in general practice for four years and it has been that long since i saw my last dead body and i have been ill with PTSD and anxiety/panic for three years and now i just cannot cope at all. I am such a wreck. When my mother-in-law died, 10 years ago i coped fine and i also coped fine with my nana and others in my family that have passed away. But now, since i have been ill, the switch in my head is constantly switched on and everything gets to me and i can't even cope with day to day living, so this is just hell. I can't do anything to make it better, i have tried to thing horrible things, and get angry, to help me through, but i just can't, i am just in pieces and i have got to go tonight and tomorrow, i have no choice, and i am just so scared. :'(
|