Hi everyone,

I have been following this thread very closley, I'm going to try and chime in and add why I think I am the way I am, and how my negative thinking has effected me most of my life. This may end up long so forgive me in advance, it is hard for me to pour my heart out in front of strangers.

I have what I call a "Worst Case Scenario" thought process. I went through alot as a child. Moving around all the time because my father got into some really raw business deals, that caused people to threaten our lives more than once. He's been to jail for stealing from business partners. My one biggest memory that brings tears to my eyes when I think about it now, was sitting in his lawyers office at 8 years old while he was in court and wondering if it was going to be years before I saw my Dad again. Despite everything he put my Mom and I through I was always a very big Daddy's girl. And years later when he started having an affair (which I hid from my Mom for him) and began using drugs, I still for some reason thought the world of him. I feel extremely guilty for lying to my Mom.....It haunts me to this day. They have been divorced for years, and she still does not know I knew long before she ever found out. That has to make me the worst daughter ever.

But anyways, I think that whole situation is where my negative thoughts began. There were way more events that happened that were traumatic, but I dont want to keep you all reading for hours LOL.
I'm the type of person, where if my fiance is running late getting home, I automatically think he is dead in a ditch. It's out of control, I'm am COSTANTLY calculating the risks in everything I do. If I do this then (think worst possible outcome).. may happen. I hate it, but it comes so natrually since I have been doing it so long. It's a normal way of thinking for me. It is absolutley the root of my problem, and I'm trying to work on it. I just feel sometimes like my brain is too tired to change, it takes too much thought because my negative thinking is so natural.

I hope I have not rambled. It feels great to talk about it. I hide all this form nearly everyone, except my family. Which I am sure the way I hide it adds to the stress.

Thanks guys,
Abby

Jo,

If you don't mind I'd like to ask you some questions regarding your anxiety and your symptoms. I think we are all well aware of the fact that tachycardia seems to be a big worry for you. I am wondering, what does your heart rate drop to when you calm yourself down?

In fact, I'd like to extend that question to everyone because (and I know what I'm doing here, RLR ) I seem to have noticed that everyone here complains of other symptoms of anxiety but no one ever comes on saying they have a constant elevated heart rate as I do. Very mild tachycadia to 'almost' tachycardia has been the symptom that I've most worried about for the obvious reason that I can't seem to shake the belief that it is weakening my heart and doing long term damage.

I know you [RLR] have said before that we all try to look for individual symptoms within ourselves that no one else seems to have as a way of justifying the anxiety, and I am aware of the fact that my symptoms are 'normal' under my clinical circumstances, but I haven't seen anyone else here talk about their heart rates as I have done and I seem to have noticed that everybody here is able to get there heart rate down to 'average' rates of about 60-80. I know... I know! I'm so vigilent that I remember everything heart related that I'm exposed to.

It would seem obvious that if one is suffering from chronic anxiety that the heart rate would respond accordingly by increasing, but how is it that I am apparently never able to reduce MY heart rate, while everyone else is able to relax, at least enough to get their heart rate down to average (and I say average instead of 'normal' here because technically speaking mine is still within normal limits).

Could it be that I am suffering worse than the others? Jo, you seem to have terrible anxiety and I would have rated you as more severe than myself, yet even you are able to reduce your heart rate when you calm down.

I'm writing this because my anxiety seems to be increasing at the moment, it's probably temporary as it never remains constnat. Dr. Rane, I have a question for you now: could this apparent and recent increase in anxiety be because of this thread? I mean that in the most positive way possible, getting worse before I get better. Perhaps it is because I seem to be making more discoveries about myself, my past and my own problems, revealing things that I may not have wanted to think on or bring to the surface. I seem to be extremely tense recently, my chest pains are worsening and my tension is increasing. I'm getting headaches, too, which I think is more tension around the head and neck area. I don't fully understand my tension. One moment I will actively choose to loosen up, then even as little as 30 seconds later I will realise that I am completely tensed up again! Why does anxiety cause physical tension like this?

Thanks for reading  

George.

george  my anxiety is mainly about my tachyardia now  i know mine has something to do with my stomach  i am always bloated burping and gurgling it makes me feel like i cant breathe  my pulse is nearly always over 100   just walking sometimes can get it up to 160
it really really affects my life big time   i have had a 24 hour tape and echo  and they are not bothered too much because although it is fast it is sinus rythum   i have had an edoscopy  they think it is probably ibs  i have had this stomach problem for a year now  and now i think anxiety and panic are setting in because of it     just to say i know how you feel about the fast heart rate its no fun!  once when i kept my heart monitor on and was relaxing in the evening it showed a heart rate of 60   that was good     carol x

Jo - exactly ! It's taken me years to work out that I don't have to do everything for everyone all the time - and that it can actually be seen as "being a martyr" rather than being kind and helpful.

Why do we do it? In my case, probably because after my mum died I was the eldest, and looked after everyone. I got love and appreciation by being helpful and capable. So I suppose it's a pattern laid down early on - being a "rescuer".

As for the decision to become well - it sounds like you are nearly ready to make that decision. Sometimes we have to touch the bottom before we can start swimming up again. It was certainly true for me. One day I just thought "am I going to waste the rest of my life feeling like this?"

Now when I wake up feeling like I simply can't face it, I force myself to just make a coffee and do something, whether it's a walk, some housework, some washing - anything except go back to bed. I say to myself "I'll just do this one thing and then I  will go back to bed". Of course, I never do go back to bed, it's just a trick I play on myself, but it settles the anxiety and gets me feeling better.

I found that if I waited till I was feeling better to do something, it just never happened. So now I do something first, and then I feel better, and then I do more automatically.

When I forced myself to leave the NHS it was scary and there were a million sensible reasons to stay. But I know if I had waited till I felt better I would still be there, waiting to feel better. I planned what I would do instead, and spent a year setting it up. But the minute I made the decision and started planning, I began to feel better. You don't have to hand your notice in tomorrow! Just start to investigate what you COULD do instead, and set yourself some goals. Plan your eventual escape! I bet you it will help, a lot!


Jules

Abby from what you say, you were brought up living on the edge so to speak.

I wanted to address the idea whether a thread like this may exacerbate anxiety. I can only tell you this from my 16 years experience as a therapist.

People did not always want to talk about themselves in the way we are beginning to here...well not at first. It was important that I never pushed it and that a person not only chose when to talk about things, but also that they would bring forth things that they instinctively knew to be the seeds for how they handled life later on.

Many people would make sure to tell me that they did not understand why they were anxious, frightened, depressed or whatever, because nothing traumatic or abusive had happened in their childhood. Its as though people do feel that something dreadful had to have happened. Its not always the case.

However, almost always we did uncover  some things that were relevant which could have been something as simple as a bit of sibling rivalry. But...uncovering these things are not the cure as was once thought in the old school psychoanalysis, where it was thought just by uncovering and expressing repressed memories and feelings would be cathartic and therefore healing.

What one would be reviewing is more how or why life is as it is for a person right now.

One time, part of my work involved working with victims of domestic violence after they had left the refuge. Many of the women I saw (was all women then) were bound to repeat what had happened with other men. Some were already back in potentially abusive relationships.

The women who did not go back into abusive relations; those that probably never would had worked hard in therapy. But not just to uncover where they had come from to be attracted to such relations, but also who they had become and who they wanted to be.

Really I have taken the long road around here. But I did mention before the person who was hit by bad anxiety and it turned out that she was angry with a friend \and once she expressed it the anx just went. She did have to understand where she had come from, only to understand why she could not express anger (non violently), especially where it was due.

We can only look to ourselves. For me, I feel I would like to be less tense, remove people from my life who cause me stress, and also be more authentic and true to myself. Often just being true to oneself can release anxiety or stress.

So yes, a thread like this can cause someone to review themselves and its scary, because truth is truth and once we learn something, we cant unlearn it. If we find a personal truth we did not want to see before, then it might mean change. Change is frightening, even if its for the good.

I would ask any of you, me included. If I could change some things in my/your life, what would they be?


On the tachy topic...I get it for seconds (up to 30 secs) and its pretty horrible. As its been happening along side these palps,  am sure it is anxiety, especially if calming oneself makes it stop. My heart also goes really slowly as well. My other symptoms alongside palps are dizziness, eye twitches, insomnia and bouts of IBS

ck hope you do chime in. The more the merrier

Good grief, Jason - just visited your website! Anyone with a talent like yours should not be in a boring job. You should have your own gallery and be running art classes for mere mortals like me who can only draw straight lines!

Have you tried marketing your work differently, or getting an agent or something?

x

I third it.

Jason, you paint wild life. Do you paint anything else?

I have to say your art is fantastic. I know artists have  as hard a time as musicians - its so competitive. Seems though you offer something quite unique.

I met someone who plodded along as an artist but has been commission now to create art/covers for publishers and writers and she makes a good living from it now